What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
