There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
