is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
