dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
