That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
