bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
