we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
