I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize