if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I stole a fireplace last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
