I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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