I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Im part way to drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
