Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
