Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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