So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
