oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize