There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
