What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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