well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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