i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
