and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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