I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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