DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
