I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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