Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
