I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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