you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
