it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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