You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
