ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
