Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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