Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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