last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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