And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
