what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize