just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
