toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
a search helicopter?!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
