i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
