Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
