be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
