He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize