Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
