Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
