a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
