My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
