actually, I'm a sock model
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
