Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
