so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
