So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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