She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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