He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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