she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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