so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
