if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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