i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
