Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
