i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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