I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
