I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
