you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
