worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
