what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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