You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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