Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
