hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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