You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
