I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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