the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I want is dick and wine.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
