just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize