I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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