I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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