I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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