I wish I only lived at night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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