new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
