what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
