You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
