Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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