at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
