Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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