yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
