What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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