guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
