i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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