so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
