I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
