Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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