So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
