We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
