Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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