need another drink. this is the easiest way
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
