Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
