this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it hurts more in the daytime
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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