I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
