i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
