I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
