Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
