Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
