That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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