That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
