i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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