so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
