Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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