Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
