I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
